Things will never be the same again

I think about things that will never be the same again. When I was a child, my family used to spend summer in the Crimea. That was the Crimea where I first saw the sea, the mountains. I still remember how excited I was when I was going to see the mountains - for the first time in my life (I pictured them in my mind like something pink or violet and was rather disappointed when they appeared not). This peninsula is closely connected with the warmest memories of my childhood: spicy scent of cypresses and junipers during evening walks, funny jellyfish and crabs, hot stones, hony buns, cold salty water and how I would run after every swim to get warm, and how I would beg parents to visit the dolphinarium: I liked (and still like) dolphins and seals so much. Not to mention our mountains hikes which were totally wonderful for me. There are so many things I can recollect even now, despite I was very little then. The world is so big for a child, and so was the Crimea for me: tremendous mountains, endless sea, God, I thought that was the whole Earth, I thought I saw the whole Earth. 

I haven't been there for more than ten years. And taking into consideration the latest events I have absolutely no desire to visit it in the nearest future. But even if I go there - it will never be the same. I realize I have lost the place from my happy childhood for ever, no matter what is going to happen. 

And there are a lot of things like that. They disappear insensibly, like a familiar smell, a rainbow, a wave. Life is going to turn everything upside down, but there will be a lot of happiness, I know that perfecrly well. So why do I always have that sad, dragging feeling while looking at every single sunset?

*The photos, despite being taken at Cyprus in 2010, are pastel colored and tender, just like my childhood memories.

**And a song