about Oct.

This October was a little bit tough for me. I still can not bear autumn - and this one is not an exception. When days become shorter, daylight disappears, the sky is gray for the entire week, then I am just slowly transformed into a passive, lazy and extremely sad creation with tons of sad thoughts. An endless process of thinking and reconsidering, that does no good to me. The tempating desire of doing nothing contradicts my state when I actually do nothing: deep and destructive hatred to myself. Besides, things have never been so unclear and obscure as they are now. My life after the graduation of uni is still a huge champaign. Million of choises and opportunities, or maybe it's just an illusion and everything is predetermined in advance so there is no point in worrying about furure.. And maybe let it just flow? Apparantely, all the best things in my life has happened spontaneously. Even if I couldn't get all that I want right in the nearest futute, my dreams will become true sooner or later, I'm strongly convinced in that.
But November promises to be much better. Some pleasant events are waiting for me. The best thing is that I will have a chance to return in our summer, and not just in my dreams. Besides, winter with its calmness and warm snow and travellings is closer.
Things are different for me this autumn. Now I realize that between real me and the ideal me is miles of way. There are lots of small steps I need to walk in this direction, and I do intend to do all this long road until the last step.

Here are some film photos to remember this Oct.